$802.23

That's my cellphone bill. Jealous!??!

I know I know. My life is something to be envied. Not everyone can ring up bills that ridiculous. It takes patience, practice but more importantly it takes passion. You have to really want to not have a phone to make a bill so high you can't afford it.

"But, Baron, my cellphone is my only phone. Its the only way people can reach me directly"

Well, you're an ass. Its not cool to be reached directly. That's why there are no other inventions that connect you to other people. If we were meant to talk to one another, we'd have things like IM, text messaging, email, sidekicks, blackberries and of course phones. But really, who uses any of those?"

"I see. How do I get what you have?"

I'm glad you asked. First don't keep track of your minutes. Call lots of people during the daytime and go way way over your allowance. You are charged $0.40 per minute over your allowance. So the more you talk the more your total. After that, don't pay it for 3 months. With the overcharge and the late fees, you might make it near what I have. But don't expect to reach that sum on your first try. I'm a professional idiot. (Here's a tip. Spend lots of time really listening to all the options or every automated service you can find.)

Like I said I'm a pro. I also just achieved a new goal of mine. I had an audition today. I woke up 3 and a half hours to show up 10 minutes late to the wrong address. Rescheduled?
Yeah.

Bad Impression?
You know it!!