Friday, July 14, 2006

Don't Blow the Job!

I came home last night (3am) to someone getting a blowjob on the stoop next to mine. It was not inconspicuous by any means. A man sitting on the stairs with a woman kneeling in front of him. His hands clasped around her bouncing head. I mean I am assuming here so I apologize.

My favorite part was when they saw me coming. The guy saw me coming and I guess he gestured to the woman to stop moving. Her head was still but they were still in the exact same position. Yes, that's gonna fool me. That is what is gonna make me rethink the fact that you're receiving fellatio in public. Her just keeping her head still.

"Oh my God!! Is that what I think it is. She is totally sucking his...wait a minute. Her head isn't moving anymore. Hmm, well I guess I was wrong. They must just be playing Scattergories on the street. At 3am. With her head is his lap. Scattergories. Yeah."

You're not allowed to be embarrased once you've commited to that. That's a brave thing to do. I mean you can't just pause everytime someone walks by. Shove it in their face. I mean not literally. Don't shove it in their face. I mean her face is already being shoved. I mean don't apologize. Celebrate it. Cuz really you guys are oral sexing it up on the street! Wow. I'm coming home alone to my little room to blog about it. Yup, I feel fulfilled. Its a good thing tears are a great sleeping pill.

7 comments:

-t* said...

I found this thru Gawker. It really made me laugh. My favorite part was the "tears are a great sleeping pill." It made me wanna throw a coin in a park fountain and make a wish that you would get your own moment on the stoop.

Keep up the funny.

isla said...

That is too funny. I love the reaction on his part, but yours was better.

Great thoughts.

Connor Peterson said...

I'd have whipped it out right there and started wacking my bag in front of them. "How you like these apples, huh?"

Zoey said...

Yeah, so t-shirts. Have you tried engrish.com? I smell a smelly smell of a smell that smells? Or, why not go to your favorite bodega/gift shop every day (such as the one down the street from us which sells "hiphops"), buy yourself a fresh new white t-shirt for a dollar, and write whatever you want on it with a sharpie. Unless you want to be "served" in an "establishment"... You could also try durkl.com. Happy shopping

Kyria said...

I heart Astoria!

TaraMarie said...

Well at least they weren't sitting on your stoop. That would be akward; "Excuse me, I need to pass. Can you remove your mouth from his schlong so I can go upstairs and write in my blog."

I am not Star Jones said...

i once saw a man eating a woman's pussy on the steps of PS 122. Although I yelped in shock, the guy kept at it like a champ.