So much

has happened since i last posted.

break ups. iPhone. world gone to shit. oh wait, that was already happening.

I sit now in an apartment owned by Zanies Comedy Club in Chicago. A club i've never played in a city I've never been to.

I am EXCITED. and a little nervous. I've done an hour before plenty of times, but that was to college students. This'll be a mix of people. I've performed for a mix of people plenty of times. But not for an hour.

can you see what i'm doing? I'm looking for a reason to be nervous. i don't need it. i'll be fine.

so the iPhone. i saw two of them. one in a box belonging to Trevor Moore of the whitest kids. I made a big deal about it and made a show of disgust much to the dismay and delight of Timmy Williams (i wrote their names in cuz i KNOW they google themselves).

the iPhone is just another brick to help me build my conspiracy theories about Jobs. i don't know. Both times i held it i felt the urge to own it and to do damage to toddlers. if you want karate chop toddlers in the head, then yes, by all means, go get an iPhone.

with all the iProducts out of the market that people just "have to have" i'm waiting for that moment when Jobs pushes that button and everyone that owns one is held slave to Kajagoogoo on loop.

They shall build monuments to him.

They shall wake up one day in excruciating pain and look down to see themselves birth a giant metal spike covered in furr.

The rest? Well let's hope there is no more.