Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Clee Shays

Here are a few more expressions I can't stand.

"Its a Wild Goose chase"

Is it really? People use that to describe something that can't be found. A Wild Goose can be found. And its Wild. So you shouldn't want to find it. It should be used to describe a situation where you look for something and once you find it your eyes get poked out.

"Have a good flight/Fly safely/Be safe"

I really don't have that much say in what happens when I'm in a gigantic piece of steel and fire 30,000 feet in the air. Especially if I'm not the pilot.

"Can you believe it? Can you imagine?"

Yes, I can. People say this when an event has occured that's usually not that unlikely. You just asked me if I can believe something that just happened. Yes, I can. I'm looking at it and pointing. And if its an unlikely event, well it just happened. I'm looking at it and pointing. By the way, the imagination is vast and endless. If I can't imagine it (whatever it is), then something is very very wrong.

"Needle in a Haystack"

See Moment of Clarity.

"Needle in a Stack of Needles"

Surely if you need a needle, any of these will do. I've never heard of needing a specific needle because they all serve the same function. If its a sentimental needle, well 1) that's weird, 2) why did you let someone get ahold of it to throw it in a stack of needles?, and 3) WHO THE FUCK HAS A STACK OF NEEDLES!?

"Kick the bucket"

To describe someone dying. Glad there's a jovial way to describe it. I wonder who the man was that had a leg spasm at the moment of passing and had a bucket near that leg. Then what asshole was in the room that thought to themselves "I'm gonna tell people he kicked a bucket instead of he died because I'm really considerate of other's feelings." Some say it refers to the bed pan. Meaning "the bucket" that catches one's bowel movements. Well, that's under their ass and you'd have to be pretty limber to kick that whilst dying. Hey, maybe some unlucky nurse had it near a leg at the time of passing and it was kicked over. Hmm, having to wash up a dead man's shit would make me look at death so much more differently that I'd have to coin a phrase.

3 comments:

Stephanie Haul said...

Baron you forgot one of your favorite expressions: "That's just the way things are," or, "That's just the way I am!" I know you love that one...

Darren Ofsink said...

Baron:

It's a shame that you and Stephanie had to hide your relationship by communicating through a blog. It's time to come out in the open.

leatherargento said...

Erm, actually, "kick the bucket" has two possible etymologies:

1) Kick the bouquet = Pushin' up daisies = buried and rotting, thanks very much (I wonder, often, while I'm writing them, if you ever read my comments. probably not. esp. after what I said in the LO:CI post. sigh!).

2) Kick the bucket out from under oneself with the rope around one's neck. Like, "be proactive about buying the farm" or "decease and dedesist," or whatever. Notice, I am still not as big a racist as I used to be, but I stopped and put "one's" instead of "your," like you thought I might be referring to -- I dunno! -- self-lynching?, here. What an ass I am. Anyway, I'm gonna go watch 5 hours of UPN programming so I can feel superiorly white-liberal again. Ah, the phrase "fool in fool's clothing" was made for me. By me. Shutting up now.