This rain, huh? Its crazy, eh? Whatever, its all just subtle pre-amble to the Apocalypse. At least its only rain. When its starts to be blood, Bat heads and READ magazines falling from the sky. I'll be a little scared. Indeed very scared and scarred.
That's what we have to look forward to: talking about the Apocalypse like its the weather.
(Two fishermen in Maine sitting on a pier)
MAN:
Uh oh, almost 7 o'clock. Be dark soon.
GUY:
Yuh.
MAN:
Almost Apocalypse time.
GUY:
Yuh. Best be headin in.
MAN:
Yuh.
(Cut to a local News Program)
ANCHOR:
And now with our weekend forcast here's Apocalyptic Soothsayer, Jeff Goodwinger.
JEFF:
Hey thanks, Tim. We've got a heavy Apocalypse this weekend. So I'd advise staying in. As you can see on our Demon Scan Biblical Ending technology there's gonna be a locust front coming in through Texas and up into the Northeast. Now remember these are giant maneating locusts that signify the end is nigh, not the ordinary crop eating kind we're used to from years ago. So wear a hat. And if you're plan a trip or escape to the midwest this weekend there a 30% chance of 4 horsemen with partly ashen skies. So wear shoes fit for running and carry a gun or a sword with you for I can guarantee some feistiness. Back to you, Tim.
ANCHOR:
Thanks, Jeff. That's it for tonight. I'll be out next week for I've just been possessed. (Eyeballs explode) DIEM EX MORTIS! ARRUGHTGHARUGHARUGHGARUUGUIAHGARGFIDHGAFRIARHAUAH.
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3 comments:
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So, Is that from "Event Horizon" or "Evil Dead," or... ???
"Tales From the Hood...?" (Pffft! Tee-Hee! Seriously, though, I think that that movie and "Bones," with Mr. S.D. Dogg, are the only movies with Undead Pimps Spouting Moral Messages in them -- if you know anyone who can point me to any other movies with Undead Pimps (I own and have seen "Blacula" (but does anyone really *own* the good Count of MadeupAfricanNation, or does he Belong to the People? ;-) -- he does not count. He isn't a "pimp" -- practices "open marriage" with several generations of a certain woman's line -- okay, maybe I've seen Blacula too many times, but in the interest of fairness, after each viewing, I balanced things out with a viewing of "Deliverance." If you ever want to be glad you're not white and your continent's proud several-thousand-year history of learning to use complex tools and written language before the rest of us gets old, and you need some thing more concrete, like a movie, (I'm a white Jew and even I felt like washing off my skin afterwards), then try "Deliverance.")
Then again, you might want to retain some of your dignity about being Human, so maybe not. Either way, don't go into the woods where there are large families that only produce male offspring with immediate family members. Anything that has breathed near a college is fair game. Brrrrr!
Helloooooooo world!
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